entertaining infinity

inside where it's dark ...

I know, I know ... I'm lame.  I promise more postings and I don't post.  (so sue me ...)

And yes, there's stuff I could be writing and sharing with you loyal ones (bless you for your curiosity/attention/encouragement/friendship, etc.), but ... well, it's the usually crappy excuse.  Busy, doing a lot of non-blog writing, blahblahblah.

Still, I couldn't resist passing this website along.  How strangely compelling it is to peek into other people's fridges ...

More from me soon-ish. (really, i swear ... )  (no, really ...)  (my fridge maybe ...)

new route

When I went to see Anne Lamott speak this winter, the thing that stayed with me the most was something she said during the Q&A.  Lamott is an smart, quirky, funny, cool, liberal, born-again-Christian writer (which is probably a quadrupled oxymoron ...) and I love her stuff.  She was promoting her book Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith, so many of the questions she got after the reading were about faith and god and her experience of those.  At one point someone asked if she believed in the devil and Lamott said she did but the devil wasn't incarnated.  Instead (and i paraphrase hugely here) - The devil is the voice in your head that whispers: Yeah, you know you have to quit smoking, drinking (or engaging in some other addiction or behavior that enslaves your spirit or keeps you out of integrity) ... and you will ... of course you will.  But, the devil will say: not today. 

The reason this stuck with me was because, as you might suspect, I had my own "not today."  Not an addiction as such, this "not today" was stuff I just didn't want to shake up - things I was doing that wouldn't bring me what I wanted in the big picture if I kept it up.  And while I think live pretty intentionally most of the time, the things that hang on, hang on hard, and I had been quite happy to keep on listening to that voice: You will ... of course you will ... because change like this feels a little like a psychic amputation (and most people wouldn't willing choose to go through such a process).  So, until very recently, every time I'd look at the equation and it didn't add up, I'd still listen to the voice telling me it wasn't today, not today, not today. 

And then, it was.  

I'm still reeling, feeling untethered and often alone (even though i know i'm not), but at the same time, I am sure it had to happen and I know that if I can slog through the tough stuff, it'll open up new space for healing and growth (and this is good).  At the same time, I still kinda wish there were some magic poof that could help me by-pass the hard stuff or make it OK not to have to change at all ... but since that's looking pretty doubtful, methinks this is the way to go and I just have to keep moving forward.

Then, last night I went for a walk - going my usual route (which often includes a few minutes on some swings in a local park), but little kids were still on the swings after I'd taken two loops around the park (the nerve of them), and since I still had lots of energy to burn, I decided to take a longer route home.  Going this way instead of my usual loop, I saw some sights I'd never encountered before - a beautiful slate patterned roof on a church, a sweet neighborhood garden - and I also discovered that it really IS fun (and feels like a major accomplishment) to run up and down high school stadium bleachers.  With some wonderful and inspiring tunes showing up on the iPod at the most perfectest of times, and cool breezes to keep me company, the walk brought on some moments of in-the-bones hopefulness about the recent arrival of "today." 

I know it won't last forever ... I expect there will more days of untetheredness to come, and more hard stuff to slog through ... but it felt good to get that hopeful feeling in my body for a while; it'll help to remember it when the harder moments surface. 

And since there was champagne left over from the other day (and i have a magic 'save-the-bubbles' stopper, so it's still good), I decided to have a glass with dinner.  Even though I feel far from celebratory, it was somehow appropriate to mark the moment.  Here's to today, and to bravely taking new routes (even  when y'don't wanna). 

a lesson from the mums

Last year, when the summer flowers faded and I couldn't bear the thought of the coming winter, I bought a bunch of potted mums and put them around on the back deck to keep some color and life around as the leaves fell and the days got grayer and shorter.  When the cold began descending and all the plants looked like they'd given up the ghost, I piled the planters away in the garage.

When spring (finally) began unfolding, out they came again, and I began planting flowers and herbs ... my usual potted garden configuration.  Those pots that didn't get re-used right away sat under the deck waiting for me to buy some new pretty new somethings to fill them. 

A few busy weekends in a row, and there were about 5 neglected pots still sitting under the deck waiting for me to get out to the garden store to fill them.  Then, one day I noticed a little green shoot pushing out of the dirt in one of the pots.  Curious, I watched to see what was it going to do ... was it a weed? ... grass?  I waited.

Over the next week or so, more sprouts shot up, and the thing started looking a lot more like a plant than a weed, and eventually, little buds started showing up all over it.  By then, I'd moved it up to the deck to keep an eye on its progress.  Soon, it was covered with sweet purple flowers. 

I've since learned that mums are perennials, so there's really nothing magic about their ability to come back ... but I'd left it for dead and didn't do anything to encourage it back to life; I just let it be and assumed there was nothing there under the dirt.

While there are prettier flowers on the deck, and fancier pots that hold them, I've fallen in love with this tenacious little plant, largely because I could use some of its inspiration about now ... up to my neck in yet another round of growing pains (and boy, did i drag my feet on this - a deeper level of an old thing that needed attention and action, but i didn't wanna do it).  I like to think that maybe on the other side of all that I'm slogging through, there's something's simmering under the surface, about to burst forth with new growth and beauty in time.  Heavy on the symbolism perhaps, but still, I'm hanging on to that today.

the writing thing (wordle/no sense needed)

Sorry loyal ones, I've been MIA again ... got back from my holiday and went smack into full-throttle life and couldn't seem to catch my breath or sit still long enough to post.  But the call of the blog has been big, and for those still with me (you crazy, wonderful, loyal peeps), I promise to reward your loyalty with more schtuff.

And today (a few days late, but still here ...) another offering of The Writing Thing.

I recently uncovered the fabulous Wordle website and decided it was the perfect place for writers to play.

Wordle's a cool application that takes whatever words you throw at it and magically makes them into what they call "word clouds." (kinda like a visual poem).  What makes them so fabulous for The Writing Thing, is that you just write a bunch of words - no sense needed - into their "Paste in a bunch of text" box, and then you hit the "go" button, and voila, you've got yourself a visual poem. (yours to futz with in multi colors and layouts to your obsessed hearts content) (not that i'd know anything about 'obsessed' ...)

Here's a sample using lyrics from Van-the-Man's Into the Mystic:

What I love about wordling your words  is that it helps to remove your editor.  Since it's just a bunch of words randomly tossed, you can simply spill out with whatever wants to come out (it doesn't have to mean anything in particular), and it still winds up feeling pretty brilliant. (a fabulous exercise for the too-attached-to-having-to-make-it-perfect sorta writer)

You can save your brilliance on Wordle's Gallery, or take a screenshot and save it for yourself/your blog (what, you think i knew how to do that w/out the help of the fabulous wiki-how?)

Here's one I did tonight ...

Give it a go yourself and then head to the comments section and leave a link to your work on the Wordle Gallery, or your blog.

If you need help getting started, pick out a word from my wordle (or van's ...), and use that as your jumping-off place.

and here we go ...

Can't believe I haven't written since the big news. 

This photo says it all ...

for my fellow star wars geeks

Check out this Flickr series of Storm Troopers in various (hysterical) poses for a good laugh.

these are not the droids you're looking for; move along

the writing thing (away)

I'm still on my holiday but: have computer and wireless, will blog.

While I've been off on my extended adventures (in ohio at the moment, but on the road home to joisey in about an hour)  (more on the adventures to come), I've been thinking of what Hemingway wrote in A Moveable Feast: "Maybe away from Paris I could write about Paris as in Paris I could write about Michigan ..." so for this writing thing, I offer: Write about being away.

You can write about a road trip ... about a vacation you once took.  What it's like to be away from the essentials.  Write about missing someone who's away.  Or maybe you'll want to write about how, no matter how long you lived there, those native Mainers always said you were "from away."  Or how, as Hemingway says, distance from a person, place or thing provides some essential perspective.  

Just take 15 or 20 minutes ... think about the Hemingway quote, think about being away ... put your pen to the paper (or fingers to the keyboard) and see where it takes you.

(and i'll see you again when i'm no longer away ...)

i feel a holiday coming on

There's still some stuff standing between me and vacation-time, but not a whole lot. Got a meeting in the morning and a few other things I've gotta tick off the list before I can scoot out of the office, but an early exit is looking highly likely. 

And once I'm out the door, that's it ... I've got over a week off. 

It's a pretty low-key, patched-together kind of holiday, but it's shaping up to be totally delicious. 

For a few days, I'll be 'vacationing at home' - got two day-trips planned: going to visit LMD in her new digs in South Jersey for a sleepover tomorrow, then head into NYC on Sunday for some dedicated city-time (it's just 1/2 hour away, but it's been months since i've been in to just wander about and explore, and i've been craving it).  Then I'll be hanging out, sleeping late, doing stuff around the house ... just laying low for a bit; mid-week I'll take off on a road trip to visit some friends/family in Pittsburgh, followed by my (gulp) 25th college reunion in middle-of-nowhere'sville Ohio the following weekend. 

This whole holiday got created around the reunion, and the funny thing is, I was never particularly gung ho about going.  I keep up with many of the people I want to - sure, there are a few who have faded and gotten lost over the years who I wouldn't mind connecting with again, but it was never a burning desire.  But then, as each reminder email would come into my mailbox, I'd wonder when I'd ever get out there again (and i wanted to one of these days; it was a beautiful place and i had a great college experience), so this seemed as good a time as any since I'd get to see some old buds as well as the old familiar paths (and i have plenty of available vacation time) ... so it became a no-brainer.  And with Memorial Day already making this a long weekend, and the reunion the following weekend, I decided to take the whole damn week off (even went so far as to add the following monday into the vacation pot), and suddenly I've got me a supercharged holiday.  A vacation at home (what a luxury) and a road trip ... love it. 

So if you happen to feel a tremor in the force at around 3:30 today, it'll probably be me, celebrating the beginning of a nice long week of chillaxing, puttering around the house, watching the world (and the miles) go by, and connecting with friends.  Color me delighted.

Weee!

not that i'm trying to rush through the summer ...

... but tickets for the 2008 Dodge Poetry Festival just went on sale.  Save the date(s) - September 25 - 28th at Waterloo Village in Stanhope, Joisey.

For lovers of the written word (in whatever form), the every-other-year Dodge Poetry Festival is, as Billy Collins called it: "Wordstock" ... a 3 1/2 day smorgasbord of writers and magic and thoughtfulness in the most delicious of natural settings. 

(almost makes the autumn worth looking forward to ...)

the writing thing

For ages, women in my writing groups have been telling me that the only time they write is at my monthly workshops.  They asked me to email prompts and exercises to keep them going, and for a while I did that, but not everyone on the mailing list wanted to get them and it got annoying trying to keep track of who got the prompts/exercises and who didn't, and eventually I let the practice go. 

Then I started toying with the idea of offering something through the blog to encourage 'my writers' to keep up their practice in between, but I kept not doing it: there are so many places on the web to find writing prompts - and blogs with better known writers than I who offer up regular creative challenges - so I thought: they don't need me to do it.  Besides, I can get awfully sporadic anyway - what if I get in one of my insular moods and don't feel like posting?

Then in today's group I offered a prompt on "stuff you could write about," and the finished lists went on and on and on with all sorts of great possibilities.  But then I heard what I often hear: But I probably won't write any of these things without group. 

So while it's obvious that there's tons of stuff to write about, they often don't do it because they like/need the structure.  Or encouragement.  Or they want the group synergy.  (or some combo of the three) (not that i can relate or anything ...) ;) 

And since people have been expressing interest in an in-between prompt thing more often lately, today I decided: why the hell not?  (i like the dialog on ze blog, don't i?  might this not encourage some?)  (hm.)  And so ... to encourage 'my writers,' and to encourage me, and to encourage whoever happens to read this who feels like writing and wants a little kick-start, I introduce (for lack of a more creative title) The Writing Thing.  My intention is to do it fortnightly ... maybe turn it into a weekly Thing.  We'll see.

I'll offer up a prompt: a word or a phrase; a visual, suggested activity or meme ... something that gives you a springboard to play with and see where it takes you.  If you're a blogger and you want to link to your Thing, post it in the comments. If you don't blog but want to share what you do, shoot me an email; I'd love to see it (and maybe i'll do a "guest spot" response from time to time?).  If you just want to journal and keep it to yourself, have at it; or if you don't want to share the specifics of what you wrote, but you feel like commenting on how it goes, that's cool too.  (you know i like the dialog and feedback ...)  :)  (for those new to blog-land: to comment, go down to the bottom of the post, click on "comments" and put your thoughts there ...)

We'll see how it goes.  (infinite possibilities, don'tcha know.)

And on that note ... how 'bout we do something kinda obvious for our first go:

Write about infinity.