... and I'm thinking, now that I've built it ... what if no one comes?
I guess the anwer to that is another question: Who cares? And yet another question surfaces: What am I doing this for? Is it for me? Is it for the "audience" (whoever they are?).
Grr. I hate not knowing. (hateithateithateit)
Maybe I'm doing it for the performance aspect - cause I'm a bit of ham. (this is where my family and friends begin laughing. "a BIT of a ham? a BIT? oh ... that's so ... hahahaha. that's so funny i think i'm gonna pee in my pants!")
... so there's certainly something to the performance aspect of the whole enterprise, but ...
I worry a bit that people will come, but think it's self indulgent drivel - which, it IS in a way, let's face it - and they'll dismiss it.
(and, in my less evolved moments i think: if they dismiss it, are they dismissing me?)
(but then i remember, hey! ... i've read the four agreements! i know not to take things personally!)
So I'm nervous and excited and I would feel so much better if I kinda knew what I was doing this for, but for now, it's just an experiment in the I-don't-know-but-I-really-wanna-play playground, and that's enough.
Feeling a little like that moment when the safety bar gets clicked into place on a rollercoaster and you have no idea what you're in for but you're excited and anxious and ... holy shit ... here we go!
Thanks for coming along for the ride.
Comments and feedback are welcome ... at the bottom of the postings you'll see a link to "comments," click on that and have your say.