Last weekend six year old Beaner-twin-girl commented on how weird the weather had been, saying that Spring and Winter were playing tug of war. What a brilliant way to describe what's been going on here on the east coast.
In the last couple of days it seems that Winter has totally dropped out of the game, leaving Summer to take up the slack: it's been in the upper 80s for 3 days, and the weather gods say we're in for one more upper 80s day before Spring digs her feet in and pulls us back to 60-ish days.
And at the same time, as I watch my blog turn into a commentary on the weird Joisey end-of-first-quarter weather and not much else, I find myself in my own version of tug of war ... wondering what the hell I'm still doing here in blog-land.
Recently a pretty regular reader asked me what purpose the blog served ... and while he qualified - asking if it was a means of connection ... an offshoot of the writing group and the back-burner-ed dream of solopreneurship ... I couldn't help but wonder if it wasn't really a way of saying: Why the hell are you still doing it?
But whatever the question was, my answer would probably be the same: Dunno. I've probably never really known, but most of the time the "why" didn't matter because I was having so much fun writing and linking and playing and saying whatever I felt like and having some people read and comment and play with me. Or not.
But I also go through these phases w/blogging - more in the last year or so - where I consider putting it down (giving it up) because it doesn't DO anything. It's not building exposure for a business; my connections with fellow travelers on a creative playground are limited (and fading, cause the less i blog, the less i seem to check in on others blogs and the less they check in on me... ) and that seems to have made me more guarded about what I will and won't share here ... which dilutes the voice, which makes me less engaged (which makes you reader peeps less engaged, i'm sure ...) ... vicious circle (kvetch, kvetch, blahblahblah).
Perhaps the winter of my blog discontent and the glorious spring are having a tug of war. I feel the push and pull more lately, but I'm digging my heels in; I don't know why, but it still feels like there's something here for me (and maybe for you loyal readers and lurkers too) ...? Maybe it's time for blog re-invention? ... less blahblahblahing? ... or a little more? Dunno. But I'm still in the game.
I love the tug-of-war analogy for both the weather and blogging. I know that I go back and forth between feeling guilty that blogging takes up way too much of my time and really enjoying it. As a mother it's my time, damn it, and now that the kids are all finally in school full time after 11 years I deserve some time. I also harbour a secret hope that it will turn into a paying gig. If nothing else, it keeps my creative muscles exercised. Don't give up, I think it lets us channel the energy that otherwise might manifest itself as road rage.
Posted by: Cid | April 28, 2009 at 11:25 AM