entertaining infinity

yeah, right

To you crazy/loyal readers ... my apologies in advance that after my recent reboot, the post that follows is totally shallow. 

But if you've been reading my missives for a while, you know I don't suffer fools gladly, and somehow, I suffer Nicole Kidman and her "I've never had plastic surgery" claims even less.  Today I saw a recent photo of her in an online mention in USA Today and I couldn't resist.

Ladies and gentlemen, submitted for your perusal.

  Early Nic on the left ... and then ... "yeah, right" right below.

 

touching down (again)

Randomly tossed:

• This writer - who has written that there is no such thing as writers block - has been feeling uninspired (duh, last post was nearly 3 weeks ago ...).  Is this writer's block?  (oh, the cockiness ... oh the folly...)

• I finally saw the BBC's Pride & Prejudice; I totally get the Colin Firth/Darcy thing now.

• Daylight Saving starts Saturday ... not that I have been counting (for the last month and a half ... or maybe since we changed the clocks back in november ...).  Joisey (and almost the entire east coast) got hit with a big snow on Monday; it's been under 30 degrees for the last couple of days ... but on Sunday, it will be light until about 7; I've almost made it through another winter.  There is reason to celebrate.

• In a recent conversation with a friend about men/women and the curiousness of relationship, I wound up sharing two thoughts that she said every man and woman should know.  Far be it for me to withhold such potentially powerful information, so ...

A note for girls: It's panties, not underwear. (and don't just say it, wear 'em.  a little more "porn star" and a little less "granny comfort" will go over BIG.) (and just cause they're called panties, doesn't mean they have to be uncomfortable ...)  Trust me, he'll be grateful.

A note for the boys: You're right and you're not right.  Where you're right: a massage IS foreplay.  But where you're wrong: it might not be immediate foreplay.  (that may seem like an oxymoron ...)  If you give a good massage and she gets so syrupy that she falls asleep, you'll be thinking it was for naught.  It's not. Trust me, she'll be grateful.

(note to self: single now how long? what do you know?)

Fun sites:

• The creative process: art, music, theater all rolled into one at Sketch Theatre.  It is what it sounds like: artists are filmed (or at least their hands and their sketch pads are) while they create ... all set to music: Sketch Theatre.  (why theatRE as opposed to theatER?  are we fronch?)

• I'm lovin' this site: Fifty People/One Question.  Again, it's pretty much what it sounds like: filmed interviews of fifty different people being asked the same question on the same day in a random city.  I love how they explain what they do: ... just trying to capture a little slice of humanity.  Yum.

• With my sporadic postings, and current unfocused nature of the blog-beast, I may just need to do a little blog-visioning.  Great article on how to do that here.

And for those of you still here, thanks for still checking in with me; I enjoy your company here in my little slice of blog-land.

my everyday art

I started out November committed to participating in Leah's Art Every Day Month - a challenge/invitation that she started several years ago, which I participated in just once before (3 years ago). 

The arts are a huge part of my life; I loved drawing as a kid, I go through phases of getting into crafts, and I really love taking photos, but visual art never really grabbed me the same way language did (in all its forms and variations: writing and reading; music [and lyrics]; theater and story telling ...). 

But I had good memories of my AEDM experience last time - "meeting" and getting to know people who were choosing to live with an intentional focus on artful lives was really cool, and the dialog it inspired got me jazzed; I liked the invitation to put a little more attention on such things, so I decided to do it again.  

And while I played around with some visual stuff, I quickly discovered that I had no real desire to do "art" in the more literal sense.  It actually took me a little while to remember that there are no hard and fast rules to AEDM (and it's not like i was getting graded or anything, right?), and I soon let myself off the hook about producing stuff to show everyone and just played around with some different forms in my writing practice. 

I didn't bring any of it here ... not sure exactly why.  For one ... I suppose I'm always aware that blogging and my real life are two very different things - here I have to decide what I'm willing to reveal or not, what I'll allude to, who I'll name, edges I might soften.  So even though I was moving into some poetry, and playing around with some truth-disguised-as-fiction types of short stories (which i love to do - and encourage participants in my writing groups to do too), I just didn't feel like posting any of it.  (maybe someday)  (maybe in another blog under an assumed name - something i've 'threatened' before ...) 

Interesting though, as I was doing that, I found myself unwilling to post at all.  When the juices are flowing off-line, I find it harder to get it up to encapsulate it all for blog consumption. 

And while the things I post here rarely feel like art in and of themselves, blogging has become an essential element in my every day art ... so much so that - even though I was only away from it for (how long?) over two weeks - it really does feel like a long time.  So I write about the process of not writing/posting here in an effort to get myself back. 

Thanks for hanging in there with me (those of you who always do) ...

(and for those who are new? thank you too.)

in no particular order

• Have I mentioned how much I love Jon Stewart and The Daily Show?

• I saw a cartoon in the newspaper recently: standing in a single frame were two couples with cocktails in their hands. One of the men was talking as he is gestured to the woman at his side: We're divorced, he says, but we stayed friends to annoy the judgmental.  Naturally, I cut it out and sent it to Daf.

• This song is in my head.  (in a good way)

• Last week a friend sent an email around with a photo of Sarah Palin at a pool party in an American flag bikini, holding a rifle.  Turns out it was photo-shopped propaganda, but upon learning the truth, one of the people on the list replied: But that's how I see her anyway.  Part of me totally gets that reaction (i find her selection pretty damn scary) but at the same time, I also wonder if that isn't the same thing that so many on the right are doing with Obama ... seeing him like that New Yorker cover?  or painting him as an elitist?  How cool would it be if we could debate and disagree without having to demonize the other? (there i go again ...)

(oh  ... and still have OUR GUY be the one who gets sworn in on the steps of the capitol on january 20th, 09 ...) 

touching down

For those of you still with me, hi.  Sorry I'm not giving you much reading material these days; I've not been particularly inspired to post lately. (duh) 

If I start something that I expect will become a post and I don't toss it off in one sitting, by the time I come back to finish with the thoughts, I've run out of gas.  Sometimes the writing energy goes into another project, or I start musing around with a post and it takes a turn where it gets a little more personal than I want to go in blogland, so it gets jettisoned too.

Next thing you know, weeks have gone by and I haven't posted.

When I first started blogging I thought of it simply as a creative experiment; another form of writing practice ... but then it became something unexpected: a way to connect with friends (those in my real life and - bonus - the ones i've met through our blogs) and host a virtual party.  Every time I'd post it was like sending out an invitation, and the emails and comments I'd get in response were feedback and conversation and they kept me jazzed.  But lately the contact I have with my regulars consists mostly of: Where've you been ... are you OK?  As for the semi-regulars?  They've probably begun to look in less and less frequently (and who can blame them?  why would you want to visit a friend who was never there to greet you?). 

Another thing that happens: when I post less, I often visit my blog buddies less - the blogging habit of writing and reading seems to go hand in hand for me. 

So it seems I've set up a cycle: I put out less, the peeps come by less (since i'm not giving them any new stuff to play with), and then there's not as much dialog, so I'm not as interested in putting out and blahblahblah.  Wish I could say I'm only motived by the desire to express and/or inspire or some such thing - writing and posting for the sheer joy of it - but, without the feedback and engagement, my motivation wanes.

Then again, I wonder if that's all one big made-up excuse and maybe I've just run out of juice for it entirely.  I notice that I've been less playful with my writing here, and the stuff that's coming out in my daily writing tends to be that stuff I don't want to put out on the blog.  For a while I actually toyed with starting a new anonymous blog so I could spill out with no restraint if I wanted to - without fear that someone would know who I was and what I spoke of.  But in order to be that anonymous, I get to tell no one about it, and that's no fun.  So if I wasn't planning to get all diary-like and confessional (or more than i get here already), what was the point?

You see the quandary.  What am I still doing here?

Clearly, I'm not done or I'd just walk away.  (as many of my favorite bloggers have).  There's something that still interests me here ... wants to play.

Maybe it's time to pull a Madonna and reinvent.  (not sure what that means, but there will be no pointy bras involved.)  (rest easy my friends; rest easy ...)

sometimes a great notion

Last October I saw former Poet Laureate Billy Collins speak about the craft of writing at the fabulous Dodge Poetry Festival. 

At the end of the talk he took some questions from the audience, and when the conversation invariably wound around to the dreaded “writers block,” Collins replied that writers block was simply an excuse to do other things. (loved that)  Writers block was bunk, he said ... a writer writes.

“But where do you get your ideas?” the audience member asked.

“I don't have ideas,” he offered. “The theory of relativity is an idea.  I have notions ... opinions.  I don't have ideas.”  He said he simply explored notions and waited to see where they took him.  Sometimes the exploration resulted in a poem, sometimes just a phrase he liked that that he might use down the road ... or another notion to follow.  Sometimes the effort was only about the exercise.

This was probably the best encapsulation of what I've been saying for about the process of writing for years.  You don't need to know where you're going before you start; you just need to follow a thought and see where it takes you.  (... somehow it carries more weight when billy collins says it than when it comes from me ... )

Yesterday I did a workshop about developing a writing practice at a women's festival here in Joisey; I've offered workshops there for the last couple of years and it's always a delightful day.  I got to visit with some old buds (got to hang a bit with maria who had a table of her beauteous jewelry in the craft marketplace), see some great performers, and share my "writing evangelism" with a bunch of receptive women.  I mentioned the notion about notions in my workshop, and it was energizing how it seemd to lighten up/liberate many of the women in the room who had claimed they'd been so hung up about about "getting it right" that they didn't write at all, even though they longed to. 

When I was driving home I was both energized and exhausted by the day (those sort of events always do that to me), and I wasn't looking forward to coming home to pack.  (but i knew i had to, since moving day is less than a week away)  With this growing desire to put down some deeper roots and seeing how my life is not reflecting that, I thought about the concept of following a train without attachment to outcome in relation to my life beyond writing.  Have I been following notions without an eye on a long term idea (goal) lately?  Have things just twisted and turned so much in the last few years that I've been in reactive mode?  For someone who makes an effort to live deliberately and intentionally, how have I created this life that seems to be so damn fluid?  Do I need to stop following the notions so much?  Should I focus more on an idea/ideas?  (and then if so, which ones?)  (hello? it's that damn infinity again.)  At the same time I wonder how I balance this growing desire for stability with my exuberance for new horizons and that natural tendency to listen to/trust my intuition?

Am I thinking too much? 

Yeah, probably. 

ws

ws

And I KNOW I'm avoiding packing.

white space

And then, related, but not:

A friend recently sent me these links - where Collins' poems (read by him) have been interpreted/illustrated with some really cool animation. 

snapshots

Got a new digital camera last week (version zoom ex-z600) ... I've been without one for a while, since the one I used to "have" actually belonged to The Guy Formerly Known as Schweetie.  I forgot how much I loved bringing a camera along on my daily travels to take a shot when something beautiful/interesting came my way.  Having a digital camera is such a great structure/tool for me around staying awake and being more observant (kinda like writing).  Even when the photos don't come out perfectly (i'm still trying to figure out the settings and lighting and why the hell i can't always get clean focus on all of my portrait shots ...), there's stuff to appreciate in them.  And just stopping and observing and setting up a shot gets me present and appreciative, which is cool even if the photo winds up sucking.

I get a real kick out of taking shots of people, and would love to share them as well, but I'm often hesitant; I feel like I should be getting permission.  (do any of you other bloggers have that delemma? what have you done? do you ask people for their permission?  i don't want to violate anyone's privacy.) (not like this blog gets read by a massive audience or anything. but then again, another friend told me today that she reads it, and i had no idea she did.  so who else is reading it that i don't know about?

(tangented dreams of who is reading and will be contacting me soon ...)

(but i digress yet again ...)

Took these shots on/around the 4th.  (click on each one for a bigger version ...)  Working from the top: there's the produce stand where I bought corn for a family picnic; the sky off the back deck at COTU (the home where i live with LMD; we call it COTU: center of the universe); barely able to make them out over the trees (and a little blurry), but trust me - fireworks; and finally: the candles were burning and the wine bottle was almost empty as LMD and I sat at the table on the back deck and yakked and watched the fireworks.  Luscious.

Life is good.  And these are some photographs to prove it.

blogging the artists way...

Joining in with Kat and some amazing fellow travelers in Blogging the Artist's Way. 

When I first saw Kat mention that she was doing it, I was reluctant. I already have a writing practice (ok, so i've slacked off a little bit since i started the job), and I facilitate writing groups (so my thinking is: do i really need this?). Besides I went through The Artists Way years ago. (ok, so i did it solo.  and i did stop doing everything but the morning pages after about the 5th week - but after having a practice of writing a few times a week for years, i got in the groove of writing [nearly] every day, and that habit has stuck ...).  But the prevailing thought that kept me from wanting to take the plunge: I've got enough stuff going on in my life - I barely find enough time to blog much it is ... where's the room for this?

And that's what decided it for me. 

There's not a lot of room (or i don't make a lot of room) for creative exploration and expression, but when I consider the things that are most important to me, my creative exploration and expression are damn high on the list.  And I don't give them nearly the amount of time and attention that I'd like.

Now, in its relatively short life, this blog has been a pretty cool addition to my creative soup.  I'm finding my blogging feet - so far my blog experience has been some combo of collage, internet pen pal-ing, sorta-autobiography, computer performance art, a different sort of writing practice, pop-culture deconstruction ... but I really don't know what the point is.  Or if there is one.  Or if there has to be.

So what I've decided for the time being is this: I'll play and let it unfold.  And that's what I'm also doing with the re-thinking (remaking for the zillionth time) of my work-life ... and life in general right now.  Trying to be organic about it.  (trying not to be impatient)

(but damn ... haven't i figured it out yet? grrr.) 

(breathe, breathe, breathe...) 

... yes, just trying to let it unfold as best I can ... giving it room and space.  (and structure too cause man, i need more than my share of that.  like the blog title says: i spend a lot of time entertaining infinity: "hmm...well THIS option seems interesting.  but what about that? ... on the other hand, i don't know.  ooh, look; what was that sparkly thing? that's kinda interesting too...") ... 

(but i digress...).

Oy...what was I saying?  Ah yes, that in order to give things room to grow, I need to give it/me/them space and time. (with a little structure, duh.)

And so, Blogging the Artists Way.  (perfect timing for my creative & personal exploration, wrapped in the frou-frou of 'just another thing I don't have time for...')   

I'm already feeling slightly slack-ish about what I'm doing compared to all the other energy and postings I'm seeing on the other participating blogs out there.  (and here's where i can hear the internalized voices of people in the 12 step rooms: "don't go comparing your insides to other people's outsides...")  (and thank you for sharing.  seriously.)

Cause I'm noticing a renewed energy already.  Even with the modified artist dates I've had so far this week: the 30 minute walk along the Delaware River (which is about 10 minutes from my office - a really hidden treasure that i don't take near enough advantage of), and shopping for the ingredients to try out a new meal for dinner the other night - which I prepared while listening to an old Moody Blues album (i don't care if it's in cd format; they're still albums to me. [oh god, i really am o-l-d aren't i?]).  YUM.  These little 'dates' - even though I don't think they're exactly what Julia Cameron had in mind, I don't care.  I'm making time, thinking of new ways to play and open up, and I'm making it work for me. 

And making time to write every day again?  Ohmygod, I love it. I've been sporadic with my writing practice since I started the job, and I miss it so much when I don't do it regularly (and emailing friends, much as it keeps me semi-sane, is not the same ...).

I know Julia Cameron alludes to a honeymoon period with the AW process, but if I'm just on the honeymoon - ya-fuckin'-hoo, I'm going to enjoy it.  Feet in the air, champagne a bubblin' ... let's keep going like this till we can't keep going no more.  (isn't that what honeymoons are for?)