I've just taken the password protection off the blog...
... and I'm thinking, now that I've built it ... what if no one comes?
I guess the anwer to that is another question: Who cares? And yet another question surfaces: What am I doing this for? Is it for me? Is it for the "audience" (whoever they are?).
The answer to all that blathering and questioning: I don't KNOW. I'm not sure.
Grr. I hate not knowing. (hateithateithateit)
Maybe I'm doing it for the performance aspect - cause I'm a bit of ham. (this is where my family and friends begin laughing. "a BIT of a ham? a BIT? oh ... that's so ... hahahaha. that's so funny i think i'm gonna pee in my pants!")
... so there's certainly something to the performance aspect of the whole enterprise, but ...
I worry a bit that people will come, but think it's self indulgent drivel - which, it IS in a way, let's face it - and they'll dismiss it.
(and, in my less evolved moments i think: if they dismiss it, are they dismissing me?)
(but then i remember, hey! ... i've read the four agreements! i know not to take things personally!)
So I'm nervous and excited and I would feel so much better if I kinda knew what I was doing this for, but for now, it's just an experiment in the I-don't-know-but-I-really-wanna-play playground, and that's enough.
Feeling a little like that moment when the safety bar gets clicked into place on a rollercoaster and you have no idea what you're in for but you're excited and anxious and ... holy shit ... here we go!
Thanks for coming along for the ride.
Comments and feedback are welcome ... at the bottom of the postings you'll see a link to "comments," click on that and have your say.
Hi Deb,
I love your blog because it's so YOU! And because you write about the quirky and odd in a way that we can all relate. You help me see my own inner critics by exposing your own. And then I get to laugh at my inner critics by laughing at yours (is this what is called living vicariously?)
Anyway, keep writing because we all need to see the world through a different lens once in awhile and it might as well be yours!
Posted by: Carol Ross | September 01, 2005 at 01:01 AM
Hi Deb,
Congrats on stepping out into cyberspace and sharing your wit, wisdom and popculture trivia with us!
When I read your questions I couldn't help but remember the comforting words of Rainer Maria Rilke:
...Do not now seek the answers which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them.
And the point is, to live everything.
Live the questions now.
Perhaps you will then, gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.
---Rainer Maria Rilke
Posted by: Mary | August 10, 2005 at 10:22 PM
Who cares what anyone thinks of your blog. Write for you and only you. Like minded people always find each other.
Posted by: Lu | July 29, 2005 at 09:27 AM
welcome to the blogosphere deb!! i absolutely love your story about the cow ladder reaching toward infinity, pushing god's hand out of the way. teehee. love that! sounds to me like you've got a fabulous sense of humor and wild imagination. can't wait to read more! :-)
Posted by: kat | July 28, 2005 at 11:14 AM
Came here via Maria's blog. I've read the 4 Agreements, too...and I still take everything personally. :) How could I possibly not like someone who adores "Harold and Maude?" I saw it a bunch of times in the theatre when it was released...back in the olden days when you could just stay in the theatre and watch again. And guess what, they've just opened a musical version on the Peninsula (Bay Area). :)
Posted by: Marilyn | July 26, 2005 at 12:41 PM
Thanks for inviting me into your world. I am inspired by your willingness to put yourself out there without an agenda (other than putting yourself out there).
You heard the knock and you answered the door. Those are two great big accomplishments. I have been hearing a knock and peeking through the peephole (there's a motorcycle at my door). Your courage has helped me move my hand to the knob.
Posted by: Kathy | July 24, 2005 at 02:48 PM
WEEEE!! Look Ma, no hands!
Welcome to the blogosphere, Deb. I'm so glad you took the plunge, you brave girl you!
Don't worry about the 'why' too much ... if you were inspired or curious, that's reason enough to try it (plus, it's not illegal and you won't kill anybody ... though it is addictive). The why may unfold as you do it ... or maybe it won't. Maybe 'because it's fun' will be the only reason, and that's not SO bad, is it?
Posted by: maria | July 23, 2005 at 11:49 AM