A few random blurts from the last week or so...
New Year, Squared
Right on the heels of the turn of the year is the turn of MY year (january 2nd).
As a little kid, I didn't think it was possible for this timing to suck more. My 'big day' came during the winter - which was (and still is) my least favorite season - and it also came right after the gift-giving-frenzy of December, so birthday prezzies were often an afterthought (a sweater for b-day loot? suck-a-rama!). And besides that, more often than not, January 2nd was the first day back to school after a long break -- not what a kid wanted at all.
As a bigger kid/adult, I've actually enjoyed the timing. When the world sheds its yearly skin and so many people are rethinking their lives, taking stock and looking forward with optimism and delicious intention ... I get all that great energy swirling around as I finish up one age and move into another. Yum. It makes the b-day seem doubly profound/doubly opportunistic.
And then there's the celebration aspect. I love that. Parties? Fireworks? A long weekend? Count me in! To have my birthday folded into a time of celebration is delightfulness x 2. I'm not a big fan of having the Happy Birthday song sung to me (give me the beatles version any day), but any time that's 'sanctioned' for people to make a fuss over me? Well, that's the way (uh huh uh huh) I like it (uh huh uh huh). And if people are too caught up in the hoopla of the holidays to remember my day? No problem, I've extended the time to make a fuss; January is now officially The Birthday Month in Debland.
Let the celebrations continue.
(i'm only sort of joking here...)
(worship me!)
... other birthday-ish stuff ...
This year is a particularly interesting one for me. This year I turned 45.
There's nothing overly significant about 45 to me - I reckon that any day above ground is a good day, and even though the changes in my face and body over the last couple of years have taken a little getting used to, I'm not freaking out and thinking about botox or microdermabrasion or anything like that. (i'd rather look like an older version of me than a caricatures of my former self like america's sweetheart...)
But it's not the wrinkles around my eyes or the little spots that are showing up on my hands that makes 45 particularly significant...it's because I'm 
the same age now as my mother was in this, my favorite photo of the two of us together, and that kinda wigs me out. Not sure why.
The photo was taken during an 'official' family portrait session in 1985. I must have been a little tired of trying to look casually familial so I started goofing off; the photographer kept shooting, and this shot came out of it.
Why I like it/what I see in it: Mom's playful goofiness and how I could always bring it out in her. I also remember of all the times she held herself in ... kept her mouth shut because of how it might look/because of my father's position (he was a big fish in his pond) or some made-up idea of how she was supposed to be. And I think about how she was both proud of me and afraid for me for being outspoken, bodacious and for walking a different path. The older I got, the more she made peace with my bodaciaity, and the more I made peace with how challenging it was for her to break her habit of containing herself. Sometimes this photo of her whispers to me (kinda like those photos in dead poet's society) - "DON'T keep your mouth shut ... time passes ... laugh a lot ... don't keep it in ... keep on seizing the day Baboo* ..."
(*yet another of my nicknames; her favorite for me ...)
... and then related to that ...
Since I left home, every year on the morning of my birthday Mom would call me without fail around 9am and say: "I wanted to call you at 6:20 and wake you up, but I decided to let you sleep," referring to the hour that I was born.
The first January after she died, I woke up just a few minutes after 6:20am (6:29, actually) and figured she just couldn't resist waking me up that year. And then, this year (b-day #2 w/out her), I woke up at 6:21. She can't call, but I like to think that she's found a way to wake me up and continue her special birthday greeting anyway.
... totally unrelated to any of that birthday/new year/mom stuff ...
I'm so frustrated I could SCREAM. Due to something that I (and the folks at typepad's help desk) have not been able to get to the bottom of - I can't leave comments on TypePad blogs these days. It's been going on for over two weeks (no my blog friends, i have not stopped visiting - and with many of you, i have been aching to comment on your luminescent posts!) and it's driving me batty. Every time I get a note from the TypePad folks, I am hopeful that THIS suggestion may provide a solution, but so far ... nada, zip, zilch. I am comment-less. For me, the blogging experience is as much about how I interact with other bloggers (who have become such a delicious addition to my community/life) as it is what I post on here. And to not be able to communicate? It just sucks. (and not in a good way!)
... crossing my fingers that the next suggestion that comes works. Cross yours too, would'ja?
Happy (belated) Birthday, Deb!!
Now from the few photo glimpses I've had of you I just know that you don't look it, very few wrinkles around the eyes if I remember correctly!
Your reminiscent thoughts about your mom are very touching. It's funny (not haha, but interesting) actually because I was thinking the other day about all the people who were my age now (42) when I was younger and how I perceived them back then. Like my mom who had her nervous breakdown roundabout this time, or my au-pair employer in Miami who got herself bigger boobs for her 42nd birthday! She seemed ancient to me back then and totally over the top (the latter still applies). Isn't it funny how we perceive the age gap as much larger when we are 20 and looking at someone who is 40, rather than the other way around? Someone who is in their early 20s doesn't seem THAT much younger to me :) Maybe it is because we have BOTH ages in us, 20 as well as 40 (or 42, or 45).
Hope the technical problems get sorted soon, this can be very frustrating indeed.
Remember - you are 'the Queen of the Slipstreams', so have yourself a 'Magical Time', do a little "Moondance' and get 'Ye Healed' during this birthday month of yours :)
Kerstin
Posted by: Kerstin | January 10, 2006 at 04:49 PM
I already wished you a happy birthday, Deb, but I hope it was fun! And I LOVE that picture of you and your mom. It really captures both of your personalities!
love
Mb
Posted by: MB | January 08, 2006 at 04:53 PM
Happy Birthday to you! It was my birthday on January 3rd. I also generally combine my birthday with the holidays, making it "birthday week" for me. I happened upon your blog via "blogging artists way"... so good luck to you, your birthday month, and whatever else needs luck.
Jys
Posted by: Jyesika | January 08, 2006 at 03:22 PM
Happy Belated Birthday! My stepmother's is also the 2nd. It gets crazy for our family...my boyfriend's is 12/29...stepmother on the 2nd...me on the 9th. By the time it's mid-January, people are like: okay, enough! :) I HATED having my birthday so close to Christmas as a kid...the worst was the dreaded "We got you a bigger gift, so it's a combined Xmas/birthday gift" that would always be delivered on Xmas. It sucked! :) But like you, I've grown to like the timing of it as an adult because it falls in so nicely with the whole New Year 'taking stock' thing. That's weird about the comments...hope it's rectified soon. I'd be very frustrated if I couldn't leave comments. Again, Happy Birthday (month), fellow Cap! ;)
Posted by: Marilyn | January 08, 2006 at 01:13 AM
happy, happy, happy birthday!!! :-)
i actually put in a question about this to typepad too. they suggested turning off your firewall long enough to make the comment and/or hitting preview before you submit your comment to make sure it's going thru. I have no idea if that's going to help at all, but I hope so. I'd hate to be comment-less!!
Posted by: kat | January 07, 2006 at 01:12 PM
Oh WOW Deb -- HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I had no idea when your birthday was until now. I think making it a whole month-long celebration is a fabulous idea. In fact, I remember someone in my old PR department that used to declare her 'birthday season' annually ... inviting people to send cards and letters and make a big hoopla over her. I think it went back to some kind of workplace joke a few years earlier, and it just stuck.
The part about your mom made me teary ... especially about waking up early on your birthday now. So sweet (in the bittersweet sort of sense). Ryan was born at 4:13 a.m. ... gee, I wonder if he'd appreciate a call then on his birthday (NOT ... then again, maybe he'll still be awake from the night before).
I think the technology gods are still on their holiday break, because there's been havoc around here, too. Now that I have my new laptop and have loaded software, the latest challenge is moving files over from my old laptop ... won't go into all the gory detail. Here's hoping your TypePad woes get resolved real soon!!
... and Happy Birthday again. You look Maaaaahhhvelous! (... and I don't just mean in 1985 picture :-)
Posted by: maria | January 07, 2006 at 08:38 AM