randomness-ing

I haven't been doing much blogging lately (duh, my last entry was in october!); I've been doing a lot of private writing ... internal sort of "examine my own life" kinda stuff, and it's the kind of stuff that I don't feel like turning into blog fodder (not to worry dear friends; nothing is "wrong" ... just private musings/processes), but when I'm in this mode, the blogging suffers.

And at the same time, I've also been a little less active in visiting my friend's blogs too, so it all adds up, inertia wins, and my creative muscle gets soft. And my muscles could use some work so ...

... when I do my writing workshops, I tell people not to think too much; just put pen to paper (or fingers on keys) and go. So I decided to take my own advice and just sit down, open a post and see what comes out.

Last week the temperatures dropped and we had that first real snap in the air that makes it feel like winter is here - after many weeks of global warming-related good weather. (i find it hard to enjoy the extended autumnal weather - even though i do - because i think of how fucked up things must be for it to be 69 degrees on november 30th ...).

I had a fire in the fireplace; threw a pillow on the floor and read the NYTimes. If it's going to be cold, a fire in the fireplace helps me survive.

Bought an iPod a little over a week ago. I dragged my feet on it (as i do on many technology things) (oh, shit, let's admit it ... i drag my feet on many things ...), but eventually I picked up my feet and now I'm wondering what took me so long. Since the purchase I have obsessively loaded over 1,000 songs on it: Van and the Allman Brothers and the Monkees and Mary Chapin Carpenter and Bruce Springsteen and Patsy Cline and REM and the Dave Matthews Band; Talking Heads and Broadway show tunes and The Ramones and kd lang and the Moody Blues and ABBA and Diana Krall and Tom Petty and the Grateful Dead and Lyle Lovett and all my wonderful collection of one-hit-wonders from the 60's and 70's, (and more van) ... what fun, what fun.

Having such fun with the iPod (after the extensive feet dragging) I start thinking about other things I drag my feet on - waiting to get "ready." And I often I wind up wondering what took me so long to pick up my feet. Sometimes when I look back on old journals, I'll marvel at how I knew things long before I moved on them.  I'll read through this old stuff and think: "Damn, you had all the material to make the decision there; too bad you weren't able to move yet."

I don't beat myself up about it (much), cause I think (and i once read something like this that i think was attributed to maya angelou) that we all do the best we can with what we're given, and when we can do better, that's what we do. I just wonder how I can bridge the gap between thinking about something and moving on it.  Got a few things going on now that could use a little gap closing.

Took this photo on the subway when I went into NY last weekend. They have these placards all over the cars; they're usually ads for different continuing education schools in the city, cell phone plans or "Dr. Zizmor, Plastic Surgeon." (i wonder who picks their plastic surgeon from seeing an ad on the subway ...?)

This is not one of those; This is from MTA's "Poetry In Motion" program.  It grabbed me in the gut the way good poetry does, and I didn't have time to write it down, so I took a photo to capture it. (hard to read at this size; if you click on the photo, it expands, but for those who don't, here's what it says ...)

Utterance

Sitting over words
very late I have heard a kind of whispered sighing
not far
like a night wind in pines or like the sea in the dark
the echo of everything that has ever
been spoken
still spinning its one syllable
between the earth and silence

~ W.S. Merwin

Yum.

Comments

[Will]

Yea! She's Back!
Yea for the iPod!
Yea for public art! (wish we had more here. I love the twin cities for stuff like this, but I could never live there year round. Too dang cold.)

So good to hear from you. :-)

[leah]

hey there! welcome back! i'm a bit of a foot dragger too. sometimes it helps just to challenge myself to take the risk and move. but that doesn't always work.

i've got a new site up and running!

[Marilyn]

I used to see poetry signs like that on MAX (light rail) in Portland...I always thought it was so great to be able to read poetry, instead of just ads. I still don't have an iPod...but given how little I listen to music (period) anymore, don't see one in my future. ;) But glad to hear you're enjoying yours!