entertaining infinity

reverential (i'm coming out ...)

A couple of years ago my friend Wes was asked by some good friends of his if he'd become a minister so he could perform their wedding.  The couple had learned of a church in California where anybody could get ordained just by signing up on-line and they thought their ceremony would be more intimate and special if someone they cared about did the honors, instead of some stranger who, by the power vested in them, could make it official.

And what an inspired choice they made too, cause Wes was a natural.  In his day job, he's an arts administrator, but he brings the 'inner rev' to everything he does, so it was not a huge surprise to hear that he got asked to officiate another wedding soon after.  I can't remember exactly what the connection was, but I think a member of the bridal party or a friend of the family had just become engaged and they liked what he did with the ceremony and blahblahblah, "Do you think you could do mine too?" and the next thing you know the word began to spread about Rev Wes.  It's been few years now and he's performed at least a half a dozen weddings (if not more - he officiated the nupt's of former theater colleague/bud/blogger mickeyG's in january ...).  He loves doing it, and the folks he does it for seem to love it too. 

Now, I've been hearing about Wes's adventures in Rev-ing for a few years now, and from the very first time he told me about it, I wanted to do it too.  But I didn't, and I didn't tell anybody either; I was embarrassed by the desire.  Not sure why exactly, cause it wasn't like it was a big honkin' deal, anyone could do it; you didn't need to study or 'qualify' in any way at all, all you needed was an internet connection and an email address.

My friend Hugh did it this past summer in order to facilitate a friend's daughter's wedding (and while he enjoyed the experience, i have a feeling that this one ceremony may wind up being the beginning and end of his "ministry").  I've also started seeing on-line non-denominational ministers show up in (of all places) The New York Times wedding announcements.  (yes, admit it; i read the nytimes wedding announcements.  not all the time, and never all of them.  but if i've got a stretch of time on a lazy sunday i will; so fascinating to get a snapshot into this big moment in people's lives.)

Lately when I peek in on these announcements, I've noticed a trend.  In between the Rabbis, Fathers, Reverends, Clerks and Judges, there are a lot more mentions of people becoming non-denominational ministers for the purpose of this one particular wedding. ("jayne slatkin/joe smith/chip rippington III, a friend of the couple's, became a non-denominational minster to officiate the wedding ...")

So clearly lots of other people were doing it.  Why then oh why couldn't I?

Not sure actually. Time went by (as it does) and I'd hear about Wes having lunch with another new couple to discuss plans for their ceremony, and I'd get all envious.  Eventually I started coming out to a couple of friends about my interest, and while I got nothing but positive feedback (even from my two friends who are presbyterian ministers), I'd still do nothing but simmer with the idea in a back-burner sort of way. 

Slowly, the reason behind my reluctance started to dawn on me: no one had asked me to get ordained to facilitate a specific wedding - as it seemed everyone else I knew of (or read about in the nytimes) had done - I simply wanted to; I thought it would be fun and an honor, and I thought I'd be good at it.  That's it.  My interest felt secret and decadent, and at the same time it felt almost like an intuition ... like it was something I was supposed to do, and that felt just a little silly, self indulgent, and - pardon the unavoidable pun - sacrilegious. 

Luckily, it finally dawned on me that maybe it was OK for me to do it because I didn't take it lightly; I treated it with reverence ... and at the same time, the irreverent in me fuckin' LOVES the fact that anybody can do it.  All you have to do is sign up online, I mean, come on ... that's a hoot!  I love that you could just click here and do it as a laugh because you CAN.  I love the egalitarian nature of it ... (is this how those elvis impersonators got legal so they could marry people i wonder ...?); I love that someone like Hugh can get ordained to officiate his friend's daughter's wedding - and will probably never do it again; or like Wes, you do it in order to officiate one friend's wedding and discover that you've fallen into a side business that feels more like a side "calling."  Or maybe, like me, you do it because you think it would be fun and an honor even though there's no one lining up to have you facilitate their wedding ... yet.  (if you get ordained, they will come ...)

So, on the 6th of November of oh-6, I took the plunge "just because."  I went to the site, clicked a couple of times, typed in my name and my email address, and clicked 'send.' (and then had a little candle lighting ritual, of course ...)

The next day I got the email:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is to confirm that

DEBORAH COOPERMAN
has been ordained as a minister of the
Universal Life Church, Modesto, California.

Date of Ordination: 11/7/2006

by Kevin Andrews, Pastor
www.ulc.net
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Your request for ordination has been processed, and you are now an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church in Modesto, California! Please record the above date of ordination for your records, as you may need this information in the future to fill out the various forms of the clergy.

Now, I won't be calling myself a minister - even though that's what they call it - largely because it rankles the nice Jewish girl in me, but also because it just doesn't seem like the right name for what I'd like to do with it.  I'd like to find another word, but at the moment the only thing that comes to mind is "celebrant" and that sounds a little too airy-fairy even for me.  But whatever it's called, I'm really glad there's a place (in my beloved and progressive former home of california) where it's possible for anyone (ME!) to legally sign/file the papers required to make relationships "official" in the eyes of the government.  Being with people in the highs and lows of their lives is one of my favorite things ever, and I hope I'm going to get lots of opportunities to help mark those times. 

Amazingly (but maybe not), there's one more bit to this story: about a month after I made it official on-line, my friend Shel and his newly affianced B asked me if I'd be willing to do the honors for their wedding in April.  :)  We had our first chat about what they want to do and I already have two poems picked out that I think would be really good for their ceremony.  And ever since they asked, Shel has been addressing emails to me as "Rev Deb" ... it cracks me up.  (and i like it too in a warped but honored sorta way!)  A side-business and calling for me too perhaps?  (i have a feeling ...) (what fun, what fun!)

white space

~ I took the above photos last summer at the beach on the same day ... it was a happenin' day for weddings!

white space

~ And semi-related to all this: today NJ officially became the 3rd state in the US to offer civil unions to gay couples (a step in the right direction, if not the whole magillia, i say) ... many reasons to celebrate.

white space

good stuff - randomly tossed

~ Many have followed the saga of Dancer/Skater/Cutie's accident this past summer ... if so, you'll enjoy her triumphant return to the ice in this YouTube video from an exhibition she did last weekend.  Many who were watching that day knew what a big deal this was (she had quite a 'fan club' in attendance) - the announcer even went beyong the usual: "next up is such and such who is skating to blahblahblah" - instead, he welcomed her "back to the rink," which is so sweet.  You can hear an indrawn breath when she does a jump at the beginning (she's not doing many; suz says the docs have advised that she go easy with them for a while).  And the look on her face as she finishes, and then as she starts to skate off the ice?  Hard for me to watch it all without getting choked up.  After spending months in a wheelchair and encountering set back after set back, complication on complication, she's skating again ... it's a happy, happy thing to see.  (and knowing how easily it could have gone another way, it's a double blessing.)

~ My friend MB (who i wrote about a little over a year ago), has released her first CD.  She proves that it's never too late to take a stab at following a dream.  And the title track speaks to the longing to get beyond the fears that might keep you from taking a leap towards your hearts desire (and trust me, it's not simple or sappy).  Each song on the debut is thoughtful, folky rock that would make a nice addition to your iPod shuffle ... (go buy it!).  :)

Waiting to Fly is the name of the CD, but MB waits no longer; she is flyin'.  (way to go girlene!) 

~ A nice reminder that I'm not the only one who is challenged by the idea of infinity.  I recently watched the warped and brilliant This is Spinal Tap again. When asked by a journalist if the farewell tour was really going to be the end of the band, Michael McKean's character says:  I don't really think that the end can be assessed as of itself as being the end.  Because what does the end feel like?  It's like saying - when you try to extrapolate the end of the universe - you say: if the universe is indeed infinite, then how - what does that mean? How far is all the way, and then if it stops, what's stopping it, and what's behind what's stopping it? So, what's the end, you know - is my question to you.

My question exactly. 

~ Enjoying another year with the new view of Channukah. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

white space

(hm; maybe this post is not so "randomly tossed" after all ... miracles, dreams, and the infinite go pretty well together ... )  (yum)

color me happy

I have been careful not to write how I feel about my job.  For one, I never know who is reading my blog and could make life a living hell when they find out that I don't really like my job and am writing about it on the internet ... and two, I don't like giving a whole lot of energy to whinging about my job.  But if you're a regular-ish reader, you could probably tell that I didn't like it much anyway.

I also haven't said anything about how I was looking for another job, cause again, I never know who is reading the blog and could make my life a living hell if they found out that - not only did I not like my job and was writing about it on the internet, but I was also planning to leave, and as soon as humanly possible.  (sidebar thought: there's really nothing wrong with the organization that i've been working for; they do work that really needs to be done in the world ... it's just that the job/organization has not been a great fit for my talent, gifts and interests ...)

And for that reason, I didn't want to just leap AWAY from that job.  Leaping away is kinda how I got into the gig in the first place.  I was exhausted and SO over running my own business, that I decided to look for a job - any job - that could pay me a regular salary, give me health insurance and benefits like paid holidays and paid "sick days" (something those of us who do the solopreneur thing never get ...).  And so I did just that.  I took "any job."  Oh, there were things to recommend it, but if I was being really honest with myself, not enough.  The culture of the organization was not the sort that I'm naturally attracted to, and I probably knew that from the start, but I just wanted to get out of my home office and show up and do a job that would get me a paycheck every two weeks. 

And that I did. 

But I was not happy.  I was making money, but I was not happy. 

And so I decided that I was not going to just leap into some other "any job" (out of the frying pan, into the fire, as mom used to say ...) instead, I was going to really take a look at myself and what I wanted and valued most about work (a paycheck is certainly important, but if we all just worked for a paycheck and were satisfied with that, there would be no grumbling about mondays ever ...).  I was determined to find SOMETHING that used my talents and gifts; something that centered around a product or cause that I was passionate about.  And one that paid well.  And had benefits.  And paid health insurance.  And paid vacations.  And a cool office culture.

Yes, I know, that's a tall order. 

But guess what?  Methinks I've found it.

As of next month, I'm going to be in charge of marketing and public relations for an organization that I have had some association with for nearly 20 years - since the early days when I first started working in professional theater administration.  The company is a non-profit service organization that supports the work of professional Equity theaters in NJ ... promoting theater arts, culture, arts education, arts accessibility and (although this is not in their mission statement, i think it's inherent in the work they do) tolerance and acceptance of differences in our communities/the world. 

When I worked in theater in Joisey back in the 80s and 90s, this organization was invaluable to the companies that I worked for - it helped us pool our limited resources (of the money and sweat variety) to create group advertising and ticketing programs, arts education programs and ... a skillion other great services that made theater more accessible to everyone.  Even when I stopped working in the industry, I kept a lot of my connections to the community because I'd made some great life-long friends through my work in the theater, and I never stopped loving the art form, it's just that life took me in a different direction for a variety of reasons.

It was through one of these old connections that I learned of this opportunity.  From the start I thought that it would be the perfect job for me, but I knew that there would be a lot of competition for the position - the organization is well respected, and I figured I'd be one of many potentially qualified candidates.  Still, throughout the process, I kept thinking: "this is my job ... it was made for me" ... and even when I'd wander off into mental fantasy-land to try to imagine myself recovering from the emotional devastation of not getting the job (do you see why i like theater?  i'm such a drama queen ...) ... perhaps starting to imagine myself on the phone with the man who would be my boss and hearing him tell me that they "decided to go another way; X had a little more experience ..." I would stop myself; I wasn't going to give that scenario any energy, no sir.  Sure, I knew that there was no guarantee that I'd get the gig, but I wasn't going to "prepare" for it.  If I had to face it, I would.  But I put my mental energy on imagining the positive outcome ... and I also enlisted friends all over the country to send good vibes and use the force in support of this outcome. And sure enough, it happened.  (yahoo!)

The day that I got the good news, LMD's boyfriend said: "Enjoy this time; you are on the way out at the old job, and there are no responsibilities at the new one yet."  And this is true ... it's kind of fun to let go of the attachment to outcomes at the old job - to say: "YEA!  I don't have to go to another board meeting again ... I don't have to invest my time or energy in X program (that i have always thought was a losing proposition, but the bosses/board wouldn't let it go) ever again," and to not be holding the bag for any projects at the new gig yet.

But at the same time, I'm really excited to get started and dig in at the new job.  I know there's going to be a lot of work there, but I'd rather work hard at something that gets me jazzed - among people I enjoy - than do the uphill battle that I was doing at the (still current, but soon to be) old job on a daily basis. 

And now it's countdown time ... I gave notice at the old gig yesterday, and I'll be starting the new gig in a little less than three weeks ... color me happy.

snapshots

Got a new digital camera last week (version zoom ex-z600) ... I've been without one for a while, since the one I used to "have" actually belonged to The Guy Formerly Known as Schweetie.  I forgot how much I loved bringing a camera along on my daily travels to take a shot when something beautiful/interesting came my way.  Having a digital camera is such a great structure/tool for me around staying awake and being more observant (kinda like writing).  Even when the photos don't come out perfectly (i'm still trying to figure out the settings and lighting and why the hell i can't always get clean focus on all of my portrait shots ...), there's stuff to appreciate in them.  And just stopping and observing and setting up a shot gets me present and appreciative, which is cool even if the photo winds up sucking.

I get a real kick out of taking shots of people, and would love to share them as well, but I'm often hesitant; I feel like I should be getting permission.  (do any of you other bloggers have that delemma? what have you done? do you ask people for their permission?  i don't want to violate anyone's privacy.) (not like this blog gets read by a massive audience or anything. but then again, another friend told me today that she reads it, and i had no idea she did.  so who else is reading it that i don't know about?

(tangented dreams of who is reading and will be contacting me soon ...)

(but i digress yet again ...)

Took these shots on/around the 4th.  (click on each one for a bigger version ...)  Working from the top: there's the produce stand where I bought corn for a family picnic; the sky off the back deck at COTU (the home where i live with LMD; we call it COTU: center of the universe); barely able to make them out over the trees (and a little blurry), but trust me - fireworks; and finally: the candles were burning and the wine bottle was almost empty as LMD and I sat at the table on the back deck and yakked and watched the fireworks.  Luscious.

Life is good.  And these are some photographs to prove it.

it ain't just for bruce and demi ...

I was in the DC area the weekend before last to celebrate my stepson's high school graduation and movement on to his next adventure (short answer: college; short version of the long answer: whatever comes next for him).  On Sunday the whole gang gathered at The Kid's house for a barbecue/party: Daf was there, and my former in-laws and their kids too; also represented were the bunch from The Kid's mother's side of the family (her mother, brothers, and their wives and kids).  A few favorite teachers and friends were also part of the festivities, as well as the girl he took to the prom.

There have been times that I've worried about The Kid - with a father who has been divorced twice, and in and out of several serious relationships since divorce #2 (me), and a mother who married a man who'd also been divorced, and me, the stepmother who is no longer married to the father who stays in the picture in this nebulous pseudo-stepmother role (and who has been in and out of a few of her own relationships since the split w/his dad ...), it has seemed that The Kid was coming out of the gate with some warped relationship role models.  I wondered if he'd be OK. 

For a while I wished that I had put a dollar into a jar every week of his life so that when he'd come to the age when he'd start to blame his parents for every fucked up thing in his life (cause don't all middle class kids do that eventually?  even kids with more 'normal' family configurations ...), I figured I'd give him the jar and say: We all loved you and did the best we could ... here's some money so you can go talk to a therapist and work it out. 

But sitting among that group of people, I thought, nope, The Kid's going to be just fine.  Although there were times in the early days of his life/his parent's split when no love was lost between The Kid's mother and his father (daf), and there was also a time (in the early days of my relationship with daf) that I was known by The Kid's mother as The Bimbo (and that's just the main player's we're talking about), somehow - because we all love The Kid and want the best for him - we have become a new sort of family.  For better or worse ... a blended, extended, upended family .... but a family nonetheless ... and all because of The Kid.  There have been times that I've gone down to DC for a weekend and had dinner with The Kid's mom and stepfather.  We get along.  We actually care about each other.  We put whatever challenges that we might have had aside because we all wanted the best for The Kid.  And he is a good kid.  A person of the teenaged variety with many of the things that that entails (variations on a theme of teenager ...), but a good kid.

And since I didn't actually save up those dollars in a jar, if he ever comes to me saying that it's his parent's fault that he's screwed up, I'll accept that we probably had something to do with it ... and I'll also remind him of this story.  That on the day before his graduation from high school, a group of over 20 people (who, at one time in their lives could have come up with plenty of reasons to never speak to one another) spent the day laughing, talking, hanging out and loving The Kid, and in some ways, each other.  We did the best we could, and we loved him hugely.  (and that's pretty damn good.)

blissness

When Maria recently linked to Chris Bliss' cool "Must-See Finale" video clip, I watched it several times ... delighting in the beauty, joy and poetry of this guy's talent: juggling.

That's right juggling. 

But this is no ordinary juggling; this guy makes tossing balls in the air look like ballet. 

Over the last month I found myself going back to his site to watch this clip again and again; delighting in the athleticism, humor and jaw dropping fabulosity of it all.  (oh yeah, and he does it to the beatles 'golden slumbers/carry that weight/end' trilogy - a delicious tune blend that i adore. that don't hurt, oh no.)

In his juggling (a metaphor for what we all do a lot of our lives methinks) to great music, this guy has become a favorite inspiration pick-me-up.  (if he has any web tracking or stat monitoring, i'm sure he's starting to think he has a web-stalker in me ...)  It's just that watching him toss and catch as the Beatles sing: "and in the end/the love you take/is equal to the love you make ..." I am inspired every time.  By juggling.  Oh yeah.  Positively fizzing with delight am I.

It's not just because of the skill and the artistry of the juggling.  It's that, and it's also because I love seeing someone do what they're drawn to, and from that, creating a living.  (and from that, they're able to support causes they're passionate about.  and write about stuff that matters.)  (not a short little piece this last link, but worth reading ... print it out; trust me, you'll enjoy it ... and i don't just say that because chris bliss, like i, was heavily influenced by the apollo landing on the moon ...)

Watch it and see if it doesn't delight and inspire you too.  If this guy can kick off his career by juggling, what's possible for the rest of us out here juggling our various talents, desires and dreams?

And in the end, this guy is going to be taking a lot of love, cause he sure is making a lot of it.  A big smooch out in the universe to him.  (methinks he'll be able to catch it ...)

Now stop reading and go watch that 'must see finale'.  (you really MUST see it ...) 

channukah - a new view

Sometimes I really fight having my perspective shifted. Even though I'm usually very open minded, there are times when I'll go kicking and screaming when presented with a new way of looking at something I hold as true. 

Not today.  Today it was easy. (love it when that happens!)

In my last post on 'the holiday's' I mentioned that Channukah isn't a particularly important Jewish holiday, but this morning on NPR's Morning Edition, I heard this commentary by Rabbi Brad Hirschfield - an oft quoted participant in the PBS documentary 'faith and doubt at ground zero' - that provided another way of looking at this holiday, and I really liked it.

I know that not everyone will listen to the segment, so here are some key parts:

"We need Channukah this year more than we have in a long time.  It's been a year punctuated by a tsunami in South Asia, ongoing conflict in Iraq, Katrina's devastation of the Gulf Coast, and shrinking confidence in our own elected officials at home.  Now is the time to remember that great things can come at the most unexpected times and in the most unusual ways; that's what Channukah is all about. 

Channukah is important to us today not because of historical details surrounding the military victory of a rebel Jewish army seeking political and religious freedom in 165 before the common era. In the coldest, darkest time of the year, we all need a story in which a small container of oil burns longer and brighter than anyone could possibly imagine; a story in which people who know that same oil could not last more than a day decide to light it anyway.  Why?  Because they believed in the oil?  Because they believed in God?  Because they believed in themselves?  Probably a bit of each.  That's what miracles are all about.

This year, as many of us are tempted to despair by events in the world around us, we need to believe in miracles like that. 

Whether we are Jewish or not, whether we really believe in miracles or not, now is the time to remind ourselves and each other the small reservoir can hold more than we ever imagined, and allow ourselves to trust in that knowledge.  We need to remind ourselves and especially our children that inside little containers there is great stuff waiting to get out.

Whether we access these ideas through the story of a little baby born in a manger or the Channukah tale of a little vial of oil - these are big lessons which deserve to be celebrated now and throughout the year.  They remind us that there is light even when we see only darkness, love even when we feel only hate, and possibility even when we think we stand before the impossible."

Tonight when I light the candles, I'm going to put some attention on that perspective.

(maybe channukah and imagine can be the same thing.  cool.)

~                       ~                     ~                      ~                       ~                       ~

update, december 30th.  my candles from last night w/all that good vibe attached.  :)

 

the holidays

As a Jew-Bu/humanist/practicing lover of life/believer in The Force/newly minted member of the Church of the Divine Spark, I don't get into the collective holiday buy-buy-buy insanity that seems to infiltrate every corner of American culture around this time of year.  (and, sadly it seems, earlier and earlier every year...). 

I was raised in a mostly-non practicing Jewish home (until my father had what i think of as a sort of 'born again jew' experience around the time of the yom kippur war in 1973 ... but his efforts to bring more judaism into our home didn't really 'take' with his offspring...).  My mom had been raised in a Christian home and converted to Judaism when she married my father (she wasn't a believer in the christian doctrine, and she thought kids would be better off with one religion in the home) - so the only thing we took in of her history was around the more secular Christmas rituals -- when we were little kids we'd go to my grandparents home around Christmas cause my folks agreed that Mom's parents shouldn't be denied their grand kids around their holidays just because Mom had converted. 

I have great memories of Bing Crosby singing with the Andrew's Sisters on the White Christmas album, the brick looking crepe paper covering that went around the bottom of their tree every year (always put away very carefully for use the following year), the colored lights and tinsel, the glass ornament that looked like a pocketbook, and the little wind-up Santa who rode around and around in circles on a bike, and "Gam's" amazing cookies.  The Christmas experience faded after Mom's father died (i was just about to turn 8) and I never really missed it; it always felt like a 'borrowed' holiday anyway.

My childhood memories of Channukah are less vivid.  Maybe that's because Channukah is not a particularly important holiday in the Jewish faith, and the symbols and the music - which always seem to make a holiday more powerful to me - are fewer.  Maybe it's also because my Dad's parents were both dead by the time I was 7, so the fuss-over-the-kid factor that often escalates holidays was lost.  To me, Channukah was simply about lighting some pretty candles (perhaps that was the beginning of my obsession with them?), eating latkes (mom made damn good latkes for one who was born goy) and giving/getting just a few special presents.  These days I get a little cranky the way that Channuka gets lumped in with Christmas since it really is the most minor of Jewish holidays, but that might be a bit of blahblahblah for another day.

Other than joining in on the parties of friends that go on this time of year and giving gifts to my nieces and nephews for their celebrations, I don't really "do" the holidays.  It never ceases to amaze me when people say: "What do you mean? ...you don't even have a Christmas tree?"  And I wonder what part of Jewish they don't get? 

Even though I don't do "the holidays," every year around this time I get excited because I know I'm going to get to hear David Sedaris read his Santaland Diaries on NPR - a warped and brilliant essay about his experiences as a Macy's Christmas elf.  (scroll down to "the original 1992 segment' on the NPR link and click on 'santaland diaries (1992)' if you don't want to wait to hear it on NPR...)

There's something so brilliant about Sedaris' frustration with his elfing experience that gets close to encapsulating the frustration I often have around this time of year - even though he doesn't really talk about it directly.  (and he says it all with such delicious humor...) 

Yet even with all my apparent crankiness, the hopeful soul in me clings to the peace-on-earth ideal that gets talked about so much this time of year - no matter what the holiday trappings it might be wrapped up in.  So, I'll enjoy David Sedaris and all his warped crankiness, and I'll light some candles and send good vibes for peace for the planet.  (you may say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one...)  (click on photo for link - and then scroll to the bottom and click on 'get mp3 imagine' to hear the song...one can never have too much 'imagine,' i think...)

A happy whatever to you all, dear friends/blog buddies/readers - and to all a happy and peace-full life.