To you crazy/loyal readers ... my apologies in advance that after my recent reboot, the post that follows is totally shallow.
But if you've been reading my missives for a while, you know I don't suffer fools gladly, and somehow, I suffer Nicole Kidman and her "I've never had plastic surgery" claims even less. Today I saw a recent photo of her in an online mention in USA Today and I couldn't resist.
Ladies and gentlemen, submitted for your perusal.
Early Nic on the left ... and then ... "yeah, right" right below.
Last weekend six year old Beaner-twin-girl commented on how weird the weather had been, saying that Spring and Winter were playing tug of war. What a brilliant way to describe what's been going on here on the east coast.
In the last couple of days it seems that Winter has totally dropped out of the game, leaving Summer to take up the slack: it's been in the upper 80s for 3 days, and the weather gods say we're in for one more upper 80s day before Spring digs her feet in and pulls us back to 60-ish days.
And at the same time, as I watch my blog turn into a commentary on the weird Joisey end-of-first-quarter weather and not much else, I find myself in my own version of tug of war ... wondering what the hell I'm still doing here in blog-land.
Recently a pretty regular reader asked me what purpose the blog served ... and while he qualified - asking if it was a means of connection ... an offshoot of the writing group and the back-burner-ed dream of solopreneurship ... I couldn't help but wonder if it wasn't really a way of saying: Why the hell are you still doing it?
But whatever the question was, my answer would probably be the same: Dunno. I've probably never really known, but most of the time the "why" didn't matter because I was having so much fun writing and linking and playing and saying whatever I felt like and having some people read and comment and play with me. Or not.
But I also go through these phases w/blogging - more in the last year or so - where I consider putting it down (giving it up) because it doesn't DO anything. It's not building exposure for a business; my connections with fellow travelers on a creative playground are limited (and fading, cause the less i blog, the less i seem to check in on others blogs and the less they check in on me... ) and that seems to have made me more guarded about what I will and won't
share here ... which dilutes the voice, which makes me less engaged
(which makes you reader peeps less engaged, i'm sure ...) ... vicious
circle (kvetch, kvetch, blahblahblah).
Perhaps the winter of my blog discontent and the glorious spring are having a tug of war. I feel the push and pull more lately, but I'm digging my heels in; I don't know why, but it still feels like there's something here for me (and maybe for you loyal readers and lurkers too) ...? Maybe it's time for blog re-invention? ... less blahblahblahing? ... or a little more? Dunno. But I'm still in the game.
The New Math website is brilliant (and often hysterical). This one felt particularly fabulous today ... since it was HAILING when I drove to work. (yes, i know promised i would not reduce ze blog to weather reports ... but i didn't say when ...)
I promise that my blog will not become a daily weather report, but c'mon ... SNOW? We had SNOW yesterday; cold, blustery, gray-day snow. In NJ for cryin' out loud.
You might expect snow in April in Maine, or Colorado, or Minneapolis ... but New Jersey? WTF?
OK, granted, it was 63 and sunny today, but really ... snow on April 8th? How windy IS this labyrinth? (oh, wait ... that's the point, isn't it? you don't get to know ... y'just keep walking ...) (daaaamn)
(but really ... spring baby ... you can do it; come on ...)
Sunday was so beautiful ... the first day where it really felt like Spring was coming. And while I was errand running, I popped over to a nearby Unitarian Church to walk their labyrinth. Good to remember the winding, circuitous path of the labyrinth on a day like today when it's gray and windy and in the low 40s and it feels like winter again. Spring IS coming ... we'll make it.
Turned the clocks ahead last weekend and am already feeling the difference.
I love daylight saving time; I hear some people kvetch that they hate waking up in the dark, but I don't mind: it's light by the time I leave the house, and it's light when it's time to leave the office - color me happy. And while I really love that DST has moved up a couple of weeks, I also notice that I've been bracing myself because it's still not spring yet (even though the crocuses and some other spring flowers have bravely begun their push). The hint of the spring just feels like a tease to me now. I can't relax into it because there's no assurance that winter has breathed its last. Must get through just a few more unpredictable weeks.
And in the meantime, I notice that I'm starting to come out of the winter-funkness just a little bit more. The other day, a friend mentioned that he'd been worried about me; he'd noticed that I was turning down invitations a fair bit this winter and said it seemed like I was hunkered down at home a lot. He wasn't the first to notice; over the years I've learned a lot about how the winter funk impacts me by listening to friends comment about the difference in my energy from season to season.
I try to be open about it; I tell them that it happens, and how it usually manifests, but I suppose I still hide a lot about it too. I don't want people to worry about me (there's nothing they can do), I don't want them to think I'm weak (although i often find myself thinking it's a weakness of character), and I REALLY don't want anyone to try to talk me out of it. (it's not something i can be talked out of; it completely defies logic, and talking about it does no good; it just makes me feel pathetic). Nope, I'd rather just hunker down and ride it out.
Sometimes I wonder if it's what bears feel like. Depressed? Hell no, I'm hibernating; it's what I DO. (grrr ... now leave me alone while i chow on some carbs and sleep a lot more than usual.)
It's just that, when people point out the difference, I'm reminded that I'm like two different people: the spring/summer/fall Deb, and the late fall/winter Deb. Late fall/winter Deb is not a
complete basket-case ... depressed and immobile (although i'm sure in a clinical way, what happens to me is a form of depression). But if she's not bummed out/depressed, she's not energetic and up-beat either; she's just a slow
mover ... one who feels like she's got a coat of molasses on
every inch of her body (and no, not in a good way, you pervy readers ...).
Funny thing is, every year I convince myself I'm doing better at it. And yes, I probably am doing better: I recognize how it gets to me, and I have more and better coping mechanisms - but it's still there and once the spring explodes, I wonder how I made it through.
So ... while I start to wake up, enjoy the "more light" and wait for spring to really unfold, I wonder if you lurking readers have any recommendations for me? (beyond what i already do: the SAD lamp, exercise, and an escape to warm weather at least once in the winter ...). (i suppose anti-depressants are an option too, huh?) Do any of you go through this? How do you cope? What do you do to get through?
I could never be one of those people who does a lot of back-to-back business travel. I got home on Wednesday night from conference in Houston, which I went to less than 24 hours after I'd returned from three days at a trade show in Atlantic City.
I am so happy to be home. I don't even mind (too much) that most of the leaves on the trees fell in my absence.
Here are a few images I collected while I was away (with descriptions below).
Left to right top row: Me, borrowing a crown from the ballet company folks in the booth next to me ... we were doing all we could to try to maintain a sense of humor on the last day of working a trade show exhibition.
I was told later that it's illegal to take photos in a casino in Atlantic City. (i'm such a rebel) This is as close as I got to gambling while I was there.
The booth (aka: my cell). :)
Middle row: Blue skies en route to Houston.
The view outside my hotel window. Not much to look at - except the
huge Obama-Biden painting on the wall of the building just across the
freeway. (weee)
Recycled resin beads from the gift shop at the Museum of Fine Arts,
Houston where the opening conference reception was held. Other than
venturing out to this incredibly cool restaurant
on our last night (and another within walking distance of the hotel);
that was, unfortunately, about all I saw of the city. (when you're in
sessions by 9, and out by 6 with business obligations for dinner,
there's little time left for sightseeing ...)
Bottom row: Fabulous creativity on display for 3 bucks a button. (just in case you can't read them: under the cartoon image of the trophy is the word wife; under the train, the word wreck; above the horse, the word work; above the bunny, ski; above the dog, hot; and true to texas form: below cow, the word girl ...)
At a restaurant in Houston, I ordered a cup of Red Beans and Rice, and when the waiter brought this bowl, I reminded him that I'd just ordered a cup ... "This is Texas," he told me, "that is a cup."
Sunset flying home. (as those texan's might say: yee ha.)
I tire of myself the way I go on about this, but really, come on Weather Gods ... it's May 12th and I had to wear my WINTER COAT to work today! It was 49 degrees. And raining. And windy.
(did i say it was 49 degrees? and it's MAY 12th?)
WTF!!?
(update, may 13th: ok, the day after i wrote the above? 74 degrees. better. phew.)
In an effort to keep some semblance of blog practice going ... just a couple'a bits of blahblahblah:
I read in The Huffington Postthat Nicole Kidman was recently quoted in a woman's fashion magazine saying: "To be honest, I am completely natural. I have nothing in my face or anything. I wear sunscreen, and I don’t smoke. I take care of myself. And I’m very proud to say that ..."
Ohmygod. I nearly busted a gut; you have got to be kidding me.
Then again, I suppose the meaning of "to be honest," "completely natural" and "nothing in my face" sort of depends on whether you think the lips (cheeks? forehead?) are part of the face.
(for a brilliant side-by-side comparison, check out this bit in the australian daily telegraph...)
There I go, raging against the fucked-up-concepts-of-beauty machine ...
Something else that annoys me (but is far from rage worthy) is when people put quotation marks around words and phrases for no reason at all.
(except, of course, when dr. evil does it in austin powers - complete with hand motion quotes - when explaining his brilliant idea for how to extort money from the UN: back in the 60's, i had a weather changing machine that was, in essence, a sophisticated heat beam which we called a "laser." using these "lasers," we punch a hole in the protective layer around the earth, which we scientists call the "ozone layer."slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in, increasing the risk of skin cancer ... that is, unless the world pays us a hefty ransom.)
Well, it seems that I am not the only one annoyed by these uselessly placed quotation marks. The other day Scott-a-leh clued me into this fab website; oodles of bad quotation "fun!"
I had a chat with Summer the other day and we got to musing about how we've both been going through a less than prolific time with our blogs (her version of "less-than-prolific" and mine are way different. mine is almost non-existent, hers translates to just a couple of times/week ...) ... (but i digress).
Since we were both experiencing similar stuff, we wondered if this feeling was just part of the creative arc of blogging ... you start out all fresh with possibility and taken with the process ... then you discover 'friends' in the like-minded souls of fellow bloggers who stumble upon your writing (and visa versa) ... you begin to 'dialogue' with the friends/strangers who read your stuff ... then you discover that people who you know but who you didn't know were reading your stuff actually are, and then maybe you start to feel a little self conscious about the more personal stuff you're putting out there ... and maybe you start to feel like you almost have a duty to produce. Next thing you know, the bloom is off the rose; the process has changed and you're not so sure what you're doing it for anymore.
The funny thing is, I still think about blogging when I'm away from it - I still like the medium and love it when I get on a roll. I find that I start posts here and there, and don't get around to finishing them because life gets in the way. Or I get caught up in my own personal writing and can't find a way to translate what's going on "out there" to the pages here (or i don't want to).
I just can't seem to get it up creatively these days I said to Summer;I could use some creative Viagra.
Ah, and wouldn't that be nice?
Need to rally for creative projects? Feeling isolated from your Muse? When the moments are not quite right, that's when C-Vi can help.
C-Vi ... designed to energize your passion, harden your resolve and get the creative energy flowing again. Ask your doctor if C-Vi is right for you.(do not take with alcohol, marijuana or if you have eaten too many carbs as this may be a sign of misdiagnosed creative dysfunction. if your creative burst lasts more than 4 hours, celebrate the fuck out of it.)
OK, maybe I don't need the drug ... perhaps thinking about a little hit of C-Vi is enough for today. Tommorrow, who knows?
