I'm still in Houston at the Arts Marketing conference ... leaving today (can't wait to be home). The other day I found myself in a group of participants I'd just met in a session about effective ways to pitch sponsorships to corporations. One of the men in the group beamed as he recounted an experience where he'd Jewed 'em down brilliantly!
I couldn't believe I'd heard it ... and then I felt completely naive that I couldn't believe I heard it. I don't like to think that people like this are out there, even though I know they are ... they are probably the same people who tried to paint Obama as a Muslim terrorist, or those who didn't want him in the White House because of the color of his skin.
For a second after it happened, I didn't know what to do. Ignore it? Walk away? The other people in the group weren't saying a thing. One women laughed uncomfortably; another guy was engrossed in his blackberry and obviously didn't hear it, but another woman asked him what dollar amount they'd eventually agreed upon ... she didn't even break conversational stride. (what the fuck?)
I stood still for what seemed like a long time but it was probably only 5 seconds and I heard myself say: I'm sorry, but that's just wrong. I felt entirely out-of-body when I did it and I wondered what I was thinking. I didn't know these people ... what was I doing? Besides, confronting a bigot will rarely change the bigot ... my speaking up may have actually underscored a few things for him if he put two and two together and figured out that I was Jewish.
True to bigotry form, he replied: Please ... it's just a figure of speech, as if this should make it OK.
The two women started fidgeting, and the guy who'd been playing with his blackberry looked up and said What just happened? realizing for the first time that he'd definitely missed something while engrossed in his electronics.
As calmly as I could, I said: Yeah, I guess it is a figure of speech, but it's not OK to use, (inside, i'm totally on fire).
I negotiated them down brilliantly, he said, better?
It wasn't better, but I don't know that I could have said anything to make it better at that point.
The thing is, I would have said something no matter what the racial slur. True, this one hits on a visceral level - and one that always surprises me because I don't have a huge Jewish identity. It's definitely part of my heritage, but it's not all of how I identify, and whenever I feel that visceral indignation/fear/anger/shock it surprises me. (but i digress)
I hate that I was so stunned and rattled by it though. Hate that I still believe that most people don't actually have such racial and religious biases peppering their speech. I suppose the Pollyanna in me really does look for the good in all people, and I usually find it. But I have also (wrongly, it seems) assumed that people who worked in the arts were generally live-and-let-live types.
Once again, I am reminded that things are not all peachy and beautiful in the world.
After this exchange, the group broke up (what? we were really going to keep talking about pitching corporations for sponsorship dollars now?), but in no time, Uncomfortable Laughing Woman and the Blackberry Guy came up to me. They told me they were glad I said something. ULW said she didn't know why she didn't say anything: I was just so shocked; I couldn't believe I actually heard it, she said several times. Then, yesterday, I ran into BG again and he repeated how he admired my guts; 'specially since I didn't know anyone in the crowd I was talking to when I said what I did.
I'm not sure it matters that they both said nice things to me after the fact. I admit that it felt better that they did, cause it was kind of scary to go out on a limb like that, but even if they hadn't, I'm glad I called it out. I'm sure it won't change Mr. Bigot. But maybe ULW will speak up if she witnesses something like that again. And maybe Blackberry Guy will remember my guts and feel reinforced to do the same. We just have to take those steps or we're making it seem like it's OK to say. And it's not OK to say.
(a different sort of marketing to the arts, i guess.)
